Strangely Perfect Paradise

I think I seriously might be a new woman after only a one week break.  I have been in paradise – a very strange paradise during a monsoon – but a special paradise nonetheless.  

I’m not sure if it would make the most sense to start this post with a story about The Healer, The Astrologist, The Spiritual Leader or the Colonic Hydrotherapy?

I guess I’ll start where I left off…the bottom of the barrel…hydrotherapy.   It’s a good place to start because it was literally the first thing that I experienced upon arrival.  Why have that lurking around waiting for you the entire week?

I can’t say it went as one would expect, but then again, what does one expect going into such a procedure?  It started off very strange (this was not surprising) with my two Thai nurses caressing me while I laid on a table pre-treatment as if I was going in for serious surgery.  I’m sure it was supposed to relax me, but it actually made me extremely uncomfortable.  In retrospect this could have been their clever tactic to make me so uncomfortable that I just wanted to get on with the treatment.   And so it went, and it really didn’t go too badly.  I mean it was not fun, but there are worse things in the world, and I had hope the entire time that I was going to feel like a million bucks afterward and any discomfort would be well worth it.  The nurses even told me that some people felt like they wanted to run a marathon after they had this treatment.  Unfortunately, My Body had different ideas…once everything was finally over It said to me “What in the HELL were you thinking?  What sort of a moron decides to stick a water hose up my ass for over an hour and thinks that’s a good holiday activity?” And with that, My Body passed out cold.

I woke up with the nurses putting smelly paste under my nose and rubbing it on my temples.  Apparently my blood pressure went from being low to non-existent.  I seriously thought for a second I might never get up all night – I felt like death.  And then poof!  I took a few deep breaths and felt completely normal again and have ever since.  To be honest, I couldn’t tell much of a difference in how I felt after the treatment.  But for those of you who really enjoy that sort of thing, I’m seriously happy for you.  Once was enough for me.  I’m not sure I could survive a second one and that would be a pretty humiliating and unnecessary way to die.  Not to mention, does this look like a fun place to be?

This spa is amazing – just beautiful.  And so quiet, probably only 30 people or so staying here and it is sprawling.  It actually feels pretty mysterious.  Loads of paths through thick vegetation up and down the side of a steep hill down to the ocean.  To top things off a monsoon hit the evening I arrived which makes it feel even more secluded and unusual.  

I have never in my life experienced so much heavy rainfall – it was fabulous.  It made the entire experience so cozy, and pretty much kept me from going down to the beautiful beach (except today when the sun poked its head out) so I could focus on my chock full schedule of events.  I was literally in classes, lectures or treatments from 7:30 AM and didn’t spend more than a half hour in my room between then and 9:30 PM when I got back from dinner.  This place was like an adventure park for those fascinated by the world of health and wellness.  I was a kid in a candy shop!  There were so many options to choose from and they all sounded interesting. 

A typical day went something like this:

7:30 – 8:30:  Tai Chi

8:30 – 9:30:  Meditation on the Journey to Happiness, a 3 part series

Note:  During Series One I discovered that my meditation on a journey to happiness made me cry, which was unfortunate as I looked around the room at all the serene and smiling faces in the class while mine was blotchy and red.  I decided it was best to skip Series 2 and take my journey to happiness swimming laps in the lovely pool and lying by the empty beach on a lounge chair.

Breakfast: Salad (my dream – salad for breakfast!  Why don't more people do this?), fruit, homemade croissants, wheatgrass and brain juice.

11AM:  Training session at the gym with ridiculously enthusiastic trainers who must have gotten their fitness education in the 1980's.  It made me wish I brought my leotard.

12PM:  Infared Sauna Treatment - an exceptionally hot sauna that apparently has great health benefits.  I was supposed to go three times, but could only stand the 30 minute treatment once.

Lunch:  3 courses – Black Cod Salad, Pad Thai and Chocolate Souffle (I have gained at least a kilo since coming here.  The food is ridiculously good and limitless! Never let me on a cruise).

2 – 3PM:  some sort of toe-curlingly good massage

3 – 4PM:  Yoga

Note:  Although I want to learn, I suck at Yoga and have so much respect for those who are good at it.  My first yoga class was interesting.  I was trying to concentrate on breathing the right way and holding my posture (I was just sitting down, it’s not like it was difficult, but for some reason I was stumbling).  My mind started to wander and all of a sudden I heard some murmuring and for a split second I thought it was spirits or something (It would not be surprising to be confronted with spirits at this place, believe me).  Then I felt something touch my stomach and I screamed out loud.  It was my yoga instructor who had snuck up on me to show me how to breathe.  Unfortunately I disrupted the entire class and she never came near me again.

4 – 5PM:  Stretching

6:30 – 7:15:  Meeting with the Astrologist or Spiritual Guide

Then group dinner with The Healer which usually lasted at least 2 hours and was a riot.  He is hysterical.

I met The Healer the first night I was at the spa.  The title of his workshop was “Health, Motivation and Stress Management Intro” which sounds almost like a corporate coaching event.  I was the only one there (one other person arrived a bit later) and I was completely confused when he started explaining what he does – he heals people and animals.  This was my first indication that colon hydrotherapy was only one of many strange things that I would learn about that go on here.

I’m totally open minded about that stuff and was pretty interested in what he had to say.  The other woman who arrived listened to him and was much more skeptical and told him so.  So, he asked her if there was any part of her that was in pain and she said that she had chronic neck pain and was visiting for 2 weeks to get some Chinese Medicine to help it.  He made her sit down next to him, and he didn’t even touch her neck, just put his hand near her neck and within about 2 minutes she looked at me wide-eyed and said something like “oh my god, my neck has just gone cold and I can’t feel the pain anymore”

It was truly bizarre.  Both of us made an appointment with him the next day.  I arrived to my meeting with a long list of things I wanted healed and asked for his help prioritizing.  We’ll see how it goes, but so far so good.  My bum knee is even feeling better.  He really is a special guy and I loved the time I spent with him.  I’m really glad I got the chance to meet him.

My meeting with the Spiritual Leader did not go as well.  He made me feel like a complete loser.  Now what the Spiritual Leader would say about this is that I should contemplate my reaction to our meeting and take responsibility for my feelings and not blame others.  But it really was his fault that he made me feel like a loser.

I won’t even get started on the Astrologist, but just know that 2011 is the year of Christy Mommsen and it will be one hell of a great year!  This year won’t start until January 6^th, but until then I am protected, have no fear.  And yes, I paid the Astrologist a lot of money to give me this good news.

The last thing to mention is that I got an upgraded suite thanks to my neighbors who had non stop sex for about 24 hours.  It was seriously impressive – made you almost want to stand up and cheer when they finished – but then it started all over again and it was impossible to sleep.  I mentioned to the front desk that my neighbors must be on their honeymoon (which was received with lots of giggles from the lovely Thai women in reception) and got a new room.  Well done and thanks guys!

Following Happiness Class Series 3 first thing in the morning, I am off to the airport (if it is open…it is still raining cats and dogs here and everything is flooded) to fly to Bangkok and then Saigon.  The great news is that I get to see my friend Mike who is in Saigon right now (he’s taking a year off to travel and is a pro at this by now which is good because I could use the help).  The bad news is that it’s raining in Southern Vietnam as well, and according to the forecast, this rain will follow me on my bike for about 14 days throughout Cambodia and back into Thailand.   It will be a new adventure!

By the way, my computer is pretty much broken. 
The Healer would say to this "Of course it is broken Christy, you're not supposed to use it, and so it will break.  Congratulations!"
The Spiritual Leader would say "Christy, you cannot change the past.  Remember, it is not the bugs fault that your computer broke and it is not the humidity.  Take responsibility for your computer, Christy.  Now close your eyes and think of yourself as a child.  Love yourself."
The Astrologist would say "Fight Saturn and grab Uranus!"
So that was childish, but it's seriously what he would say with a thick German accent.


Anyway, I’m using the hotel computer right now.  I’ll try to be online to see what you all are up to. 

Hope you enjoy the stories because I sure love telling them!  

Miss you all – Lots of love.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Enjoy the pics:

My new favorite fruit - Mangosteen (why don't they sell this everywhere?!)

More pics: